When I decided to begin working as a freelancer and commit myself to three days a week of work while Baby was at daycare, I was determined to maximize the amount of money I made during those days I was working. Not everything is coming up roses everyday, though some days it all works beautifully. I turn to podcasts and books for motivation, but occasionally the isolation derived from working from home gets the better of me. Emails that go unanswered and work opportunities that seem to pass me by diminish my sense of self and the feeling of accomplishment that I have so carefully built up over the past year. While when I worked full-time out of my home I felt as though I was missing out completely on my son’s short-lived childhood, working part-time is no cake walk either. I feel as though I can’t fully participate in the career mommy path just as I can’t be fully present in the stay at home mommy life. I’m in a limbo that can be at once frustrating and empty. On days that I make no money but I send my son to daycare, my heart clenches in anxiety (what some may call a panic attack) and I want to throw in the towel. No matter how many motivational podcasts I listen to, I can’t help but feel defeated and sorry for myself that I’m either not still in the career game (in which I was at the top of my game) or in the full-time mommy game. I want to be successful in my work and gain clients and respect, while still managing to spend a majority of my time parenting.
How do other freelancing mamas address the anxiety that comes with lulls in work?